Griffin Taylor

ALFRED, NY -- Video game offense. It is a term usually reserved for the Saints and Colts of the world, but on Saturday the Saxons offense fit the bill, scoring on its first six possessions en route to a 48-17 romp of visiting RPI at Merrill Field.

Quarterback Tom Secky (Bemus Point, NY/Maple Grove) paced the offense, completing 17 of 25 passes for 328 yards and three touchdowns.

With the trademark smile, Jose Reyes has lit up a franchise buried in frowns. With a .333/.375/.472 line, he has lit up every other franchise in 2011 as well.

Come Winter, the most exciting player in the game is sure to be paid as such. The question is, by who?

For a cash-strapped ownership, the correlation between a franchise void of a face and ensuing ticket sales is daunting. For a fanbase which has endured a decade of growing pains from the son it cannot stay mad at, the idea of seeing him go on and fulfill his potential elsewhere is downright frightening.

We were discussing the dictatorial aspirations of Napoleon the pig. And then we weren't.

The phone rang. Our teacher picked up and mumbled a word or two before his eyes fixated on the back cubbys, gaze similar to one worn by victims of a half-court buzzer beater.

"Holy shit, the Twin Towers just collapsed."

Our collective eleven-year old ears placed far more emphasis on the first part of the sentence -- Mr. Davis just cursed; perhaps we would be able to parlay his hiccup into extended recess time -- than the second.

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Mike Scott does not watch The Jersey Shore. That does not mean the owner of The Hott Spot can't capitalize off it.

The show which made the term 'GTL' a routine of college students near and far created a demand -- in a town where the 'G' is covered by the McClane Center and the 'L' by machines in every dorm -- for the 'T.' The Hott Spot supplies that demand. And then some.

Last month, Yahoo Sports released a report from a University of Miami booster named Nevin Shapiro, incarcerated for his role in a $930 million Ponzi scheme, who provided thousands of impermissible benefits to at least 72 athletes from 2002 through 2010.

Check your fantasy football roster; chances are you have multiple players from the "U," and chances are they know Nevin Shapiro.

The 2011 Alfies will be themed "Alfred Shore," a loose reference to everyone's favorite MTV show.

A satire, right? Then again, after my "drill sergeant" college basketball coach made us forfeit dessert at Olive Garden in favor of the Shore season finale last year, I don't know anything anymore.

A recent study, "Academically Adrift," claimed 45% of college students show no improvement in critical thinking skills by the end of their sophomore year, which has led some of us to question the "old-fashioned" methods of professors. I wonder if those same professors are tempted to reply,

It is that bittersweet time of year. A great relief to no longer trek across Antarctica (minus the cool penguins) for that midnight snack, but with those spring rays comes something much worse - the buzzing around my ears. Ahh, the great debate: Sunshine and bugs, or tundra and peace. If you ask me, the Eskimos didn't have it so bad. But since the inevitable is around the corner, here are a few tips to avoid the worst of the worst this summer - bees, mosquitoes and spiders.

Bees:

1.) Run

Eastern Conference

(1) Chicago vs (8) Indiana

One epitomizes evil. One just played a game for a living. One damaged the present, the other its pastime. One takes innocent lives, the other innocent records. And one deserves to be killed, the other perhaps just blacklisted from a certain town in upstate New York.

But one thing the above bad-news bears have in common is that both were front-and-center in your living room the past decade. For this nation, it wasn’t about steroids and terrorism, it was about Bonds and Bin Laden.

Objectivity, in the form of advanced statistics, tells us Shane Battier was remarkably good, and Allen Iverson remarkably average.

Subjectivity tells us Iverson had the “it” factor and the heart of a lion. Oh, and that his missed shots often looked better than the makes of his teammates.

The objective offers no evidence for its claims aside from a bunch of numbers that tell you nothing useful save for how many wins each player is worth for his team.

Then again, there’s that brilliant saying TNT coined for the playoffs.

“Win or go home.”